Men in Shorts

Being abroad or on holiday is a marvellous excuse for revelations of the fleshy kind. Rotund Ronnie,s , tubby Timothy's, obese Oswald's and stick insect Simon's all believe that the moment that they leave home on vacation they have a license to abandon decorum, style, good taste and dignity as they subject their bleached white bodies to inappropriate attire – namely shorts.
I was suffering from blog-block and then I saw them not 1 but 8 (in a group) men in shorts.
What does one call a group of 8 men in shorts? – probably a belly-laugh.
At this time of the year Cape Town is still a holiday destination and is filled with, both, local and international bodies of every description, shape and size. Being on holiday, men who usually hide their hairy legs, flabby chests, large paunches and white bodies beneath dignified business suits take the opportunity to let it all hang out, and if the shorts are too short I really do mean HANG OUT! I bent down to pick up a serviette in a crowded beach front restaurant and blushed from ear to grinning ear.
The too short and much too short shorts linger on the memory like tight-lipped smiles with bulging cheeks. Worn by the young and lovely they can, at a stretch, be acceptable – especially to middle aged matrons with vivid imaginations.. On the slightly older they raise an eyebrow and a giggle – on anybody over 55 they are, frankly, disgusting. From the front, from the back (stuck in the crack) and from the side – DISGUSTING!
Next we have the just above the knee variety favoured by game rangers, bushwhackers, wannabe bushwhackers and the over 50's who were once boy scouts. Worn in the right environment i.e. The bush or on the farm these, usually khaki, garments can be condoned but over white knobbly knees, with belts, either over or under the beer belly, in Art galleries, on buses, and in fine dining restaurants they do not cut the mustard.
Finally the Baggy – they mercifully do hide the knees and other bits but on the downside make the wearer look as if he has something distasteful lurking in his undergarments and has not had a chance to clean it out. The crutch hangs down, almost to the knees making walking difficult and I am surprised that they are able to defy the forces of gravity as they hang on for dear life to non- existent hips. The baggy must surely be somebodies idea of a fashion joke that has gone too far. What is astonishing is that it is a world wide phenomenon and is worn from Australia to Aberdeen and beyond.
Shorts do not stand alone in the cacophony of fashion nonsense. No pair of self-respecting (or not) shorts would be seen abroad without the appropriate footwear. Sandals and flip-flops - 10/10 docksiders no socks - 9/10 sandals with socks - 0/10. Even worse the white socks pulled up to mid- calf stretching and straining to keep upright against all odds. Dear God please spare the world from men in shorts with socks and sandals. I have even seen one with a handbag across his chest from right shoulder to left hip. Perhaps this unfortunate is living in expectation of a mugging – what more does he have to loose when his dignity is already so far gone.